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Why you should sleep separately. 5 reasons for couples

Why you should sleep separately. 5 reasons for couples

Sleep side by side with your loved one – mmm, what could be better? In fact, joint nights can be a test for your love. Yes, some get along well in the same bed, but there are many who prepare for battle every night, because we all sleep in different ways. Some lie still, hardly moving; others resemble circus acrobats. Some pull the blanket towards themselves, others snore, others mumble in their sleep or even scream. Relationships take on a whole new level after meeting your partner’s “sleeping alter ego”.

What if the relationship is expensive, but sleeping together is unbearable? Sleep separately. Yes, yes, we found at least 5 facts confirming that this is a good idea.

Your sleep will be deeper

Scientists conducted a test: they observed the behavior and condition of the couples for several nights. In the first part of the experiment, they had to sleep in separate rooms, in the second, together, as usual. When asked to rate the quality of their sleep, they noted that they slept better next to their partner. But the neural vibrations were telling a different story. The information collected during the experiment showed that people not only woke up less at night, but also spent half an hour longer in the deep sleep stage while they were alone in bed.

Sleep is a selfish pursuit. It does not have to be shared with anyone.

Separate sleep = great morning. – A source

This suggests that we would like to sleep more tightly next to a partner, but in reality it turns out the other way around. Loneliness at night makes our sleep deep and calm.

You will not be cramped

Neil Stanley, a sleep researcher at the University of Surrey, makes a compelling argument: “In a double bed, you have twenty centimeters less space than a child in a crib.”

Each of you lacks space, and not everyone can sleep stretched out at attention. Some people prefer the starfish pose, kicking, throwing their arms out, or often tossing and turning. If this is about you, for sleeping with a partner you will have to significantly reconsider your habits (and this is not easy). If this is about your partner – well, you won’t even dream about peace, because you are unlikely to fall asleep while sharing one bed for two.


Illustration from the book “Healthy Sleep”

No need to change the regime and conditions

Our regimes rarely coincide: most likely, your partner gets up and lies down earlier or later than you. It happens that people work the night shift, often fly on business trips, get up at dawn or come back after midnight.

There may be even more differences in sleep conditions. Some like to sleep warm, others cool. Some fall asleep to the muttering of the TV, others need complete silence. Some open the windows wide open, others catch colds in the slightest draft.

Of course, loving people can agree on everything, but why come up with compromises if you can just go to your rooms and create a little heaven for yourself?

More passion

Good sex leads to healthy sleep. But the opposite is also true: quality sleep promotes better sex.

According to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women who get enough sleep have higher levels of sex drive and are more easily aroused. In addition, after a good sleep, the likelihood of sexual activity increased by 14%.

“Isn’t it better to tiptoe down the hallway to your beloved than to snore and kick her all night?” Neil Stanley asks. The answer seems obvious.


With separate sleep, each nighttime meeting will thrill. — Source

Think for yourself: if you rest better, you will become slimmer, fresher and healthier. In other words, become someone with whom you want to make love. The same will happen with your partner.

Relationships will get stronger

Sleeping separately can improve not only sex, but relationships in general. This relationship was discovered by Wendy Troxel, professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh.

Wendy invited several couples to wear sleep monitoring bracelets at night and assess the quality of interaction with each other for ten days. Participants were able to rate their conversations with one of four positive ratings (for example, “feeling supported”) or one of four negative (“lack of attention”). They answered separately, so as not to change the answers under the influence of each other.

The results were unambiguous: the worst marks were given after those nights when women slept poorly. Moreover, the woman’s sleep affected the communication of the spouses more than hard days at work or other stresses. “It’s largely women, not men, who control the emotional climate in relationships,” says Troxel. “If a wife doesn’t get enough sleep, she becomes more irritable and talkative.”

This is why both partners are on hand if the women get enough sleep – and this, as we found out, is much easier to do in a separate bed.

How to start sleeping separately?

There is a strong belief in society that sleeping together is a sign of a happy couple. Dispersed to different rooms? Something is wrong here. But in reality there is only one sign of happiness: you both feel it. If you need to sleep separately for that, who cares?

However, even starting a conversation about this is not easy – what if a loved one does not understand and be offended? Try to start small.


Having your own blanket can make you happier. – A source

Get different blankets. If you are staying in a Swedish hotel and book a double bed, you will be surprised to see two single blankets instead of one large one. All Swedish couples adhere to this rule. Your blanket for everyone – the ability to choose its thickness at your discretion and fearlessly unwrap at night. Perhaps this step towards night independence will be enough for you, but if not, move on.

Talk frankly with your partner… List the reasons for your desire (just do not fall into accusations like: “You snore like a platoon of soldiers”) and suggest an experiment. Explain why this is important and ask him if he will support you, because you want him to be happy too.

And sweet dreams to you!

Based on the books “Science of Sleep”, “Healthy Sleep”, “What is Lagom”

Post cover – unsplash.com

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